Comments on: Line Dancing, Laundry, and onLine Dating

By: Terry Monaghan | Time Triage

Terry Monaghan | Time Triage — Thu, 09 May 2013 14:40:35 +0000

I didn’t have much success myself with online dating, and won’t be trying again any time soon. However, you asked for feedback – I agree with some of the comments here – put your best face forward, include the absolute deal breakers and then see what happens. I applaud your courage!

By: Sue Painter

Sue Painter — Fri, 03 May 2013 00:43:34 +0000

I’m of absolutely no use to you about online dating. Personally, I would hate it, I think. But since I’ve been married all my life (just about) I’ve totally no clue. 🙁

By: Ray

Ray — Wed, 01 May 2013 00:26:36 +0000

If you must go back to internet dating; good luck. I tried it a couple times and it was worthless. No one has anything at stake in online dating. If I ask you out at a bar or dinner party, I have to first screw up my courage to do it and prepare for the answer. So merely by speaking to you in person means I think you’re pretty special to begin with. Otherwise, why would I risk the rejection. I may try flirting to see if you may be interested before I bare myself by directly asking you out. Can’t do that online.
And where’s the romance, really?
THAT said, I don’t think you should put too much information into your profile. It’s not lying by omission. You’re not applying for a job here, though I feel many online think they are. Keep some mystery about your own self. Be minimalist. We’re drawn to the physical initially. Wether it’s the shape of the head, (I tend toward the heart shaped), or the light in your eyes, (my personal #1 attraction point), and your smile. It’s your photo that will draw a man in. Then he can explore and get to know you. Make him invest something into the courtship, for fuks sake. If he doesn’t put the effort in, drop ’em.
When I was working on LAW & ORDER a good friend on the crew told me how to make online dating work. This is the guy’s perspective, understand. We traditionally do the asking. It must be different for girls. But this may give you most guys’ tack. He said to contact 9 to 12 women. Four to 6 women you’ve contacted may reply. Possibly one to three women who’ve replied, you will actually meet in person, for coffee or lunch or a trip to a museum, some introductory meeting. And if you’re lucky you may see ONE of them again for a real date. So the strategy is to contact 8 to 12 women every couple of weeks. Or days. To improve your chances. I guess like batting practice. So you need to be juggling a number of women in the hopes one will work out for awhile.
I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t play the odds. I didn’t want to turn it into a game, or a science. Besides, the women didn’t seem to be taking it all too seriously either.
To answer your question, I think you should leave them wanting more. You’re worth it. Right?

By: One of those Match guys

One of those Match guys — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 04:49:08 +0000

“Am I technically lying by omission if I’m only sharing my very best, most celebrated qualities?”

I think a lot of match people do that, they leave the surprises for in person.

I WOULD NOT omit, however, deal-breakers. For example, don’t put ‘no way’ under ‘smoking’ if you do. (I’m pretty sure you don’t, I’m just saying).

Me, I get really upset at this stuff – for example, height. You’ve got all these five foot 3 guys saying they are 5’10”. I AM FIVE TEN. So what do I put? If I put 5’10”, women think I’m short and bypass my profile.

*sigh*

I’ve had people tell me my pictures were taken ten years ago. Nope, all recent. I’ve been tempted to adjust my age down – it would work, but would prefer not to start things off with a fib.

This woman I dated last year from OKC once told me to put as little as possible in your profile. Maybe that works, I’ve emailed a few women that had completely blank profiles, but guys are typically visual. So if the idea is to get someone to the table so you can grope them on the first date, well, a blank profile with a good picture would work. It worked with me, I dated her for 2 months 🙂

I’ve always been 100% honest, although there’s a few things I haven’t told people right off the bad. Should I discuss that I get kidney stones in my profile? Somehow, I think not 🙂

I’d NEVER mention that I still have my Bugle Boy cargo pants. People would think I’m a pack rat.

oops.

I think the tough part is – we all have baggage. A guy at work said “everyone is damaged at our age, you just have to decide if you can put up with hers”. I like to think of it as you may meet someone with an amazing redeeming quality. You really shouldn’t mention all of the ‘bad stuff’ if it isn’t a deal breaker (like smoking is), if it’s something someone can live with it. They may find your positive qualities outweigh the other stuff – for them.

There will be women that actually have more negative things than you have, that get a guy that bypassed your profile. He won’t ever know you were better because he skipped over you.

Now, that’s a cynical view. I figure I’d rather know most everything, then I can craft a carefully worded email that described everything we had in common and celebrated our completeness. I found out the hard way – that doesn’t work 🙂 it’s a numbers game, I have to shot-gun out hundreds of emails to hope to get one hit. You women GET hundreds of emails, few of which are a hit.

So my guess is if you omit some things, you’ll get more emails, then you can pick and choose. On the other hand, if you DO mention things, you’ll get the guys that do read and aren’t judgmental. Then again, the latter hasn’t worked for me 🙂

== John ==

P.S. Kidney stones just mean I have to drink a lot of water. Haven’t had any problem passing them, not that I’m saying the plumbing is especially outstanding.